The psychology of jealousy
Many believe that jealousy is one of the manifestations of love. But in reality this is a sense of possessiveness, fueled by selfishness and self-doubt. A jealous person is an suspicious, suspicious and suspicious person who torments himself and those around him with endless cavils and hysterics.
Jealousy manifests itself in different ways. This may be a feeling caused by falling in love, the jealousy of a child, parental jealousy and marital. The outcome of the expression of this feeling is hatred or indifference. Expressing the statement that there is no love without jealousy, St. Augustine was mistaken. Oddly enough, his statement has gained popularity. Most jealous people use it to justify their actions. More precisely formulated the subtext of jealousy Benjamin Johnson. He said that a man is not jealous of one who loves, but one who wants to love himself. This definition is more precise, but it is difficult for them to use without hurting their own dignity.
Among psychologists, there is an opinion that jealousy, in small quantities, is useful for love.And for those in whom nature has a sense of jealousy, to stop experiencing it means losing the competitiveness of one’s own personality. It is advisable for these people to make sense of their behavior and find other ways to increase their self-esteem.
No one says that you can not be jealous. Can and should be. Recall that in the past statesmen took a grain of arsenic for food so that they could not be poisoned with a large dose later. Jealousy is the same poison that must be strictly metered.
The essence of jealousy and what it consists of
By and large, the feeling of jealousy is the fear of losing a loved one. The strange thing is that in families, a jealous person is one who allows himself to violate adultery.
Confident and self-sufficient people are not able to experience such torment. Literary critics believe that if Othello were in place, a fair-skinned, self-confident and rich handsome man, Desdemona’s headscarf, would not have been a reason for the murder.
What is jealousy men
The most discussed jealousy is the love and jealousy of a man. How are they interconnected, in what way are they expressed and how to make a jealous person temper his ardor?
A jealous man is a suspicious, irritable, and prone to outbursts of inexplicable anger, a man. There are no reasons for him to invent jealousy, he sees them in everything:
The girl does not answer the call;
Lingered at work;
She has no mood;
I bought a new blouse, but did not show it to him.
Everything that happens in the life of his beloved causes a storm of indignation in him. Girls who have already encountered such men or have seen it in the family stay away from them. To fix such a person is impossible. If he is jealous for no reason before marriage, then it will only get worse.
What is female jealousy
In the depths of the subconscious, every woman identifies her man as the breadwinner and the one who “brings the mammoth into the cave” in a hungry year. Psychologists believe that the true cause of women's jealousy is the loss of the breadwinner.
Women's jealousy is expressed in different ways:
A woman closes in on herself and becomes the “gray shadow” of a loved one, following in his footsteps. Such women hire detectives, watch themselves and silently “eat up” themselves from within;
The second type of jealous women is hysterical and uncontrollable ladies.A man does not have to come in lipstick or smell women's perfume, it’s enough to bring a colleague from work to cause another outbreak of jealousy. In their anger, women-jealousy become uncontrollable.
The only thing that distinguishes these types of jealous men is that women of the second type, while calming down, can discuss everything with a man, find out once and for all and stop being even jealous of work. From hidden jealous you can expect any surprises.
Women's jealousy differs from the male one in that if a man blames his soulmate for all transgressions, then a woman is inclined to blame the mythical passion of a loved one.
If you are jealous of your chosen one, then he is really worth it. And your feeling is justified by the fact that another woman can encroach on your happiness. But he loves you and so you need him more than any of his surroundings. In any case, it is necessary to control your emotions or direct them to the right track. Do not believe those who say that habit is second nature. If a man is not intrigued and not interested again and again, he is able to change his habits. If he sees your love and passion every day, then no long-legged beauties will replace him.The disheveled and sleepy miracle that defiles all day long in a crumpled smock not of the first freshness is far from the ultimate dream of a man. Watch yourself, experiment, be bright and sunny. Look in the mirror, did you like the reflection? Hence, it is worth adding a "zest" in the form of sexy underwear and candlelight evening. And if you are not impressed with what you saw in the mirror, you need to deal with yourself urgently:
a joint trip to the theater, cinema, night club.
Only then beautiful linen and candles
If a man once chose you and is near for some time, then keep it - a trick. You do not need to be a great psychologist or a seer. You are the woman who won it once and now only you know that he loves you the most.
What is jealousy husband, wife
Marital jealousy is a separate conversation. It is also aggravated by the presence of a stamp in the passport. Many believe that by marrying a jealous man, they will prove to him their love and there will be no reason for him to “fight in hysterics”. Hardly! By tying yourself to marriage with someone who is jealous without a reason, you will protect yourself from further manifestations of jealousy on the part of a loved one.
After all, you are his property, which means you must obey his requirements unconditionally.
A jealous spouse is a real disaster. You constantly live in tension, wondering what might cause a flash of jealousy next time.
Hysteria of jealousy and its forms
The feeling of jealousy in relation to the object of adoration is explicable. The pathological jealous man can intelligibly explain what kind of act caused his attitude. But the “hysteria of jealousy” is an inexplicable process and not subject to any common sense. A person draws to himself nonexistent pictures from the life of the one whom he is jealous of. "Paints" them in all possible colors. Kills himself psychologically. Psychiatrists gave the name to this manifestation - “imaginary third”.
The following categories of people are susceptible to jealousy:
- Older men and women prone to sclerotic manifestations. Realizing that their illness does not give a guarantee that they will remember that they were deceived yesterday, they come up with tales and they themselves suffer deeply from them;
People prone to complex chronic diseases. Considering that now they are not needed by anyone and they are trying to get rid of them as soon as possible, these people are trying to draw attention to themselves in this way.
In addition, pathological jealous people who cannot cope with their impulses, sooner or later, begin to show signs of jealous hysteria. Having invented a story that is considered to be the only true one, they are harassing the “soul mate”, eliciting the details of what has never happened. Any answer that does not triple them is interpreted as a lie or is outlined with additional details. It is difficult to advise that to answer such a person to his questions. The consequences can be unexpected and unpleasant. Sometimes a woman, trying to joke or tease her spouse, tells fiction or flirts with other men. Do not do this ever, if you know that your partner is subject to outbreaks of jealousy. It is not known that he himself already thought up, and this may be the last drop in the patience vessel of the “monster with green eyes” - jealousy.
Throw away these destructive thoughts, never go on about their own jealousy. Calm down, comprehend what is happening, crush yourself, but do not cultivate this destructive weapon in your soul. The longer you indulge in jealous thoughts, the more perverted the picture of reality becomes.
What causes jealousy
Any jealousy is a showdown.And if the first few times you can laugh at a jealous man, then when such seizures become regular, no one is laughing.
The first thing that leads to misunderstanding because of jealousy is a violation of calm and relationships in a couple. If a man can “explode” and express her claims to a woman right away, then the spouse will carry thoughts and conjectures in herself, poisoning the life of her beloved with her suspicion and reproaches.
The second consequence of the jealousy of the spouses - closed in themselves children. The child is unable to understand why in a family where mom and dad love each other, from time to time quarrels flare up with shouts and tantrums. How to explain to the child the cause of these scandals, if adults themselves can not really formulate it for themselves? And the children themselves are not able to understand and understand this situation. This can cause mental disorders in children.
A jealous man, unwittingly, gives his partner's imagination food for fantasy. If before that, the spouse did not even think that he was so meaningful and desired, now he has an excuse and no desire to return home to scandal and complaints. Man simply decides to treason.
The culmination of the consequences of jealousy may be what the jealous man was so afraid of - breaking off relations. Sooner or later, the second half will get tired of making excuses and listening to reproaches, and she will simply leave, slamming the door loudly. Restoring the relationship will be difficult, the second time a person is unlikely to agree to go to “hell” called “living with a jealous man.”
A jealous man, igniting this feeling in himself and inventing more and more new details, ensures that his jealousy acquires the features of an obsessive mental illness - hysteria of jealousy. This disease, literally, eats the person from within, depriving the mind and common sense.
What jealousy threatens human health
What is the goal of any jealous person? Prevention of physical treason partner. So, each outbreak of jealousy is a serious blow to the human nervous and cardiovascular systems.
At the same time, the following processes occur in the body:
The release of a large portion of adrenaline in the blood;
The cardiovascular system of a person hardly copes with the flow of blood, which with a furious speed spreads through the organs and “presses” on the heart, causing it to pound or freeze;
The human brain is experiencing a huge overstrain, which compare with the one that occurs when we learn about the death of a loved one.
The result of these processes is shock. The human immune system is not able to cope with systematic bouts of jealousy, the body is depleted. The result of all of the above is the following diseases:
How to deal with jealousy
No one will convince the jealous man that he is wrong and he needs to change his attitude towards the object of jealousy. Only he can do it himself.
Control. Feeling the approach of an attack of jealousy, it is necessary to find a lonely place, write down the claims to the spouse on paper and substantiate at least one of them;
If you are jealous, then you know what it is. Your prospective opponent has qualities you would like to have. Strive for excellence, increase self-esteem;
If you think that your partner really changes you, and you will not do anything, only you will be furious with jealousy, calm down and leave. You cannot live forever with this pain in your soul; it will eat you up;
Egoists, accustomed to the world spinning around them, should look at themselves from the outside. Look "with different eyes" on the one who is next to you, and try on your behavior on him. Now appreciate how you look from the outside.
And finally, talk to each other, talk about how you spent the day, what was at work. A lot of humor and positive, because you love each other, and love should be fed by positive emotions.
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