How to say "no"
Why are we afraid to refuse?
The most common cause of this fear is low self-esteem and self-doubt. A person with low self-esteem unconsciously considers himself not too important in this world. He does not see the value in himself, his time, his interests, so he is ready to sacrifice all this for the sake of someone else. But self-sacrifice, sadly, problems with self-esteem does not solve, but rather the contrary, aggravates it.
What to do in such situations?
The most reasonable thing is to learn to say “no” to others in such a way that they themselves do not feel embarrassed, and asking not to offend. It's not easy, but it's possible. A little workout and you can say “no” easily and naturally.
Rule number 1: you do not have to explain everything
A self-respecting person always demands respect for his decision. If you decide to answer “no” to any request, you are entitled to demand respect for your decision, and therefore you are not obliged to give any explanation. You can do this, but not required.This is primarily concerned with requests and suggestions from people you do not know or who are unpleasant to you. For example, I am puzzled by people who, in response to my short and categorical “no,” ask: “Why?” In this case, I always answer: “Do I have to explain?” I have never been told that I should. Because they understand that in fact I don’t owe them anything, and by their behavior they won’t get anything from me.
Rule number 2: you should value your time
Many have to deal with intrusive calls from dubious companies that promise to tell you how to get rich suddenly in a couple of months, or with unexpected visits from dealers of miracle vacuum cleaners and water filters. Once I, a naive girl, could listen to their monologues for an hour, afraid to seem impolite if I interrupt the conversation. Then I realized that in this situation, it is they who act impolitely, because they, without asking permission, took a lot of time from me, which I could spend more usefully. Since then, I have no remorse if I refuse to listen to any proposal that is of no interest to me.I just say: "Not interested." You can repeat it twice, if it didn’t reach the first time. As a rule, after the second time everyone falls off.
Rule number 3: you are free to decide for yourself what to spend your money
Once I had such an amusing incident: a friend asked me to lend her money, but I refused. And then she saw on my Instagram photo of an expensive face mask and wrote me a very unpleasant message that I could lend her money instead of spending it on all sorts of excesses. Her message was intended to shame me for having decided to spend my money the way I thought. Absurd? Agree. But there are a lot of such stories, and you may find yourself in such a situation. Remember that your money is your money. You yourself have earned them and have the right to dispose of them as you like. And you should not feel embarrassed because you do not want to lend and spend on yourself. If people often turn to you to borrow money and you don’t know how to politely refuse (because you actually have money), you can simply say that you don’t lend for religious reasons.
Rule number 4: you do not have to agree out of politeness
You were invited to some incomprehensible master class on cooking a goose with apples or a massage at the beauty salon. They smiled at you for a long time, and in the end they unobtrusively offered to buy a set of pots or a suitcase with creams for just some N thousand rubles. And you do not notice how you sign a loan agreement, and the next day you grab your head and assure you that you have been hypnotized. In fact, no one hypnotized you, you just turned out to be a person who is not able to say "no", that's why you fell into the hands of fraudsters. They know that very many people start to feel obligated if they do something for free and with a smile. It is like a subconscious desire to reciprocate courtesy, and it seems to you that if you refuse, you will offend a kind person. In fact, you should not do something that you do not like, only out of courtesy. One should not forget that you can always say “no” without explaining the reason (see clause 1) and leave at any moment without the need to make excuses. With a knife to the throat, they will not attach to you anyway, the maximum will be added to the list of disloyal customers and they will not call you again.
Rule number 5: you have the right to privacy
Some bosses think that their subordinates have no other life besides work, which means they can pile on more projects, leave to work overtime, call the worker’s question on a day off or during vacation. And all this at no extra charge. In fear of dismissal or deprivation of the prize, people plow without raising their heads, forgetting about their interests. In fact, in most cases, these fears are groundless. I know a lot of people who just got up and left at 18:00, while the rest sat quietly until the bosses left. And no one left on time, because he cannot be fired for acting within the framework of an employment contract. You can always find the answer to any question about refusing to work overtime: “I have a training session,” “I need to take a child”, “I have a mother / husband / lover / cat”, “I go to a parent meeting”, “I have been called to court "," I have a repair. " More imagination, and after some time you will no longer be bothered by questions.
Rule number 6: you can not help everyone
Charity is a good thing, and it's great if you help someone from time to time.But, unfortunately, there are a lot of people in need of financial assistance, and at every step we are faced with offers to take part in the next charity event. What to do? Helping everyone, taking off his last pants? And if not to everyone, then to whom? And it's a shame to refuse, because people need it. The head swells from all these questions ... In fact, everything is simple here. It is enough to understand that you will not be able to help everyone anyway, therefore you should not even try to participate in all charity events. A person is able to help only if he is all right. And if you remain penniless, then you can not help anyone. Therefore, help in those cases when you feel a rush, a strong desire to make a donation. And if you do not want or not possible - do not blame yourself for it. If it’s embarrassing to refuse directly, just tell me what you will participate next time.
And remember: any refusal should sound polite, but confident. If you mumble and apologize a lot, then from the outside it will look as if you have to justify something to someone. Agree only to the fact that you are really interested, profitable or do not require too much time and effort from you.Respect yourself, then others will treat you with respect.
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