How to learn to have people?
The need for communication is not inferior to the need for food or sleep, because a person is a social being. It is true to engage in communication, to find friends, or at least good comrades who are close in spirit and opinion, is not an easy task, especially for modest or insular persons.
The ability to win over a person, unfortunately, is not given to everyone from birth, he needs to learn or develop in the same way as, for example, the ability to draw, read or swim. Sociable and sociable people are much easier to establish relationships, find friends, work and move faster on the career ladder, many things for them are easier and sometimes imperceptible.
How can you learn to attract people? On this topic, you can find a lot of books, read an impressive number of articles and, in a theoretical basis, turn into a real ace! But in practice, for some reason, everything turns out to be more difficult: it is not always possible to apply tips from books and very often this is psychological stress.
A person who is used to experiencing some discomfort in a society is not always able to relax: it is the tension that makes it difficult to look at the situation sensibly and to understand how to arrange to interlocutor.
So start with what you learn to relax in society: you can take a few deep breaths and breaths before an important conversation, apply meditation or just count to 10, while relaxing with every cell of your body. Believe me, after that, the conversation will go very differently.
Rules of a good conversation
So, you know that you will have a serious conversation or event - perhaps, this is an interview, an exit to a new job, an acquaintance with a foreign team or a date. In addition, you are well aware that you have some difficulties in communication and communication, perhaps they have played against you more than once.
It's time to change your life and learn to have others around you, because your future depends on it! But how to do that? Especially for this we have prepared a list of important psychological techniques and tips that can help out in difficult situations, as well as adjust the conversation to the right wave.
Smile to yourself and others. The psychology of communication is a complex science; nevertheless, it often speaks of incredibly simple and, at first glance, trivial things that we, nevertheless, often miss.
This applies to the smile - a simple and effective way to locate a person. It is not necessary to smile constantly, enough of a fleeting emotion that will already benefit you.
Scientists even conducted a series of tests, in the course of which they found out that it was smiling people who more often inspire confidence in those around them, they have much more chances to win over an interlocutor, even a completely unfamiliar one. Of course, the effect will be much greater if the smile is sincere, which, unfortunately, is not always easy.
But psychologists expressed their opinion here too: even if your interlocutor understands that you are smiling, so to speak, by force, the effect will still be more positive than negative. In itself, the fact of a smile is able to tune in a positive way and create an enabling environment for communication. You yourself will not notice how a forced smile literally in a few minutes will grow into a real and sincere one.
Learn to listen.People, no matter how they try to deny it, love the attention to their own person very much, they are pleased when they are interested in their personality, ask questions and, not least, listen attentively to the answers to them. Unfortunately, far few of us can boast of such a skill: listen and hear your interlocutor.
Often, while one of the participants in the conversation is telling something, the other begins to sink into his own thoughts, to be distracted by extraneous events and surrounding objects - the window of the room, the TV, the decor, passing people, and so on.
It is very important to let the interlocutor know that you are interested in what he says: from time to time nod, affirmative "yeah" is also welcome, sometimes ask again and do not take your eyes off for a long time.
Silence more.Than to occupy all the space with empty chatter, in which it is difficult to find grains of meaning, it is better to replace it with silence. Try to learn to express your thoughts constructively, to form sentences so that they are as informative as possible.
If you do not know what to say, it is better to remain silent or honestly express: “I don’t even know what to say to you (advise, answer)”.Do not try to maximize the conversation filled by you, do not interrupt the interlocutor, to insert your valuable opinion after each of his phrases, allow him to speak and only after that you can express your thoughts.
Disguise.If you really need to keep up the conversation and like the other person (at work, interview), then remember the important rule - they love those who the person himself resembles. Do not hesitate to study the interlocutor - his gestures, intonations, timbre, which in consequence can be partially copied. The main thing is not to overdo it, so that it no longer looks open slyness.
In addition, people are strongly united by their involvement in a common cause, event. For example, it is often easy for fellow countrymen, graduates of one university or specialists of the same profession to find a common language. Carefully look at the person, perhaps, at first it will seem to you that you have nothing in common, but it is likely that this opinion is deceptive.
Be confident.Oddly enough, but no one likes a closed, insecure quiet, it is much more pleasant to deal with a confident person, although it is important to feel the line between confidence and narcissism.A calm open look, a clear and slightly slow speech, an appropriate smile and an amiable tone are the key to a successful and productive conversation.
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