a guest27.03.17 17:17

How to help mom?

My parents divorced more than 20 years ago! Father married again, and mother alone raised our sister and me. Sometimes she begins to talk about situations that were in their marriage. At the same time with such emotions that it is completely understandable: it still gives her pain. Offended, angry and gnawing himself. When you say that you need to forget about it already and not to worry so much, she says with full confidence that she has long forgiven and released everything. How to help her cope with old grievances?

Tatyana, Novosibirsk


You are absolutely right, noticing that mom is not all sick. The best way is to immediately transfer the conversation to another direction. I use this when my mom in Kiev tries to talk politics to me. It is necessary to change the subject, and it immediately switches. But it did not happen right away. At first she was a little offended that the household did not support the topic, a couple of times I even had to pretend that I could not hear what she was talking about. Try to have a few topics, obviously interested in it, as a reserve, so that it looks easy and unobtrusive - it just seems to come to mind.Of course, the best way to forget resentment is to forgive. But since 20 years have passed and there is no intention to work in this direction, alas, you will have to switch roles: you are her mother, she is your daughter. And while mom try chewing, giving her advice, showing the advantages of her life today and paying attention to the minuses that were in it. The human psyche is so arranged that sometimes it tries to remember only the best and because of this there is an illusion that in previous relationships there was “paradise”. Maybe when he remembers the discomfort and the reason for the divorce, it will get her off the ground. But I warn you, this is not a single day's work. And only then, when you see the outline of a shift, can you try to introduce her to someone. Encourage her any social activity as well, even a struggle with an HOA, if you have one, can come in here)))))))).


Honestly, you need to distract her, please with your victories and so on))

so already so happy 20 years)

talk on any extraneous topics

the main thing you need to understand is that marriage is not only a pain ... unfortunately we are poor people for a very long time, and we quickly forget the good (

It seems to me that these thoughts in her head are not completely eradicated (((It only remains to support, love and distract, so that all her thoughts are occupied by children, grandchildren, etc.

she needs to meet a person who will give positive emotions

everything will change if someone loves her again

I also think that here a special approach is needed to my mother. And frequent communication. She should just be distracted from thinking about the past. It can be seen that the mother simply has no one to while away the time, since she is stirring up her memories ... Or maybe give her a kitten. And then she will take care of him and receive mutual warmth and tenderness)

She needs to fall in love. Or be distracted by something

yes it's true you have to switch to something

He will never forget 20 years ... in the past he lives and does not allow himself to move on ..

I think that on the contrary, it is necessary to express your emotions, resentment, not to keep in yourself, as they destroy a person from the inside, affecting health.

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