How to choose the type of family upbringing for children
The regime of rigid relationships "You will do as I want." Is this type of family education for you?
Power is a great test for the human person. At the top of the power, a person demonstrates his strengths and reveals his weaknesses and deficiencies.
It is the role of the parent that gives each of us this unlimited power over a human being, over our child.
A parent applying a regime of tough relationships, brings down to the child the full power of his energy and insatiable lust for power. It is on the child that he puts out his desire for control and power, the desire to control and manipulate another being, to punish in the event of the slightest deviation from his demands.
This type of upbringing is used by authoritarian parents, neurotic parents, or adults with mental disabilities. Often, adults who physically punish children in childhood themselves were victims of bullying by their parents.
A mighty weapon in the hands of such a parent is unpredictable punishment. The parent breaks the cause and effect relationship between the child's misconduct and punishment for it, creating a constant background of anxiety and fear in the child, a feeling of helplessness and doom. The rebbe knows that, whatever he does, the torment is inevitable anyway and he will not escape.
Such a mechanism of maintaining constant fear uses totalitarian regimes, when every person knows that punishment and possible destruction can befall anyone without any reason.
The child lives under the constant threat of punishment. His heart shrinks from the consciousness of the unpredictability of punishment when blows and insults can fall upon his head for a reason he does not understand. To maintain a constant level of fear in the child, parents punish him with so-called Sunday flogging.
For any minor, even the smallest, misdemeanors, immediate reprisal follows.
The strict relationship mode is not only aimed at the child. They are saturated with the very air that he breathes, the atmosphere in which it grows.He is surrounded by “mental indifference to each other, caring only for oneself, complete disregard for the interests and anxieties of other family members, an invisible wall between them, a family where everyone can only rely on themselves without expecting any help, support or participation. ... "
The parent crushes the child’s personality, deforms it, condemns to neurosis and a failed life. A child who has gone through such a parent “concentration camp” does not believe in himself, does not trust others, and feels insecure in the world around him. It is extremely sensitive to life stress.
Having matured, such children, as a rule, have huge problems in creating their own family. Having experienced the pain of parental despotism, the child can refuse to use this model of family relationships.
However, the opposite is possible. In the case of severe physical punishments, the pathological psychological defense mechanism “identification with the aggressor” can be activated.
A child who has not received in his childhood the experience of caring for another person, deprived of love, accustomed to insults and humiliations, normalizes the cruel attitude towards himself and uses him as an example of relations with other people. He brings his life experience to his own family.So he joins the baton of evil.
Questions of our magazine tips:
1. Have your parents applied physical punishment to you?
2. Do you remember your feelings at the time of physical punishment?
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