Is conflictlessness a sign of weakness?

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- I am a soft, non-conflicting man! - Alice's friend often speaks about herself. - I do not like to swear, make trouble, sort things out and I will not. Well, it's not mine! I prefer to resolve disputes peacefully, not stooping to clarify the relationship on a high tone. It's not for nothing that they say that a bad peace is better than a good quarrel ...

Shouts and scandals, noisy swearing is a sign of bad manners and a small mind, says Alice. A clever person will always find a way to avoid scandal: to transfer the conversation, to distract the interlocutor, to “not hear” something, to disregard something. Alice considers this skill an undoubted advantage.

"Only I do not understand one thing," Alice is perplexed. “Why do many people take my kindness for weakness? .. Why are there many, almost everything!” Surrender and sit on the head in the literal sense of the word ...


- Because it is a weakness! - her friend answers. “You can't protect yourself at all.”The husband wipes his legs about you, doesn’t put a penny on it, the mother of the rope has been twisting her life, still deciding where to go and what to do ... But you are already thirty-five! What can I say, your child does not take you seriously. You put everything on the brakes, and those around you from impunity only sit more on your neck. A strong person will not allow anyone to treat himself like this! Conflict need to be able to. And if you do not know how - learn. In life, without this in any way!

In the depths of her soul, Alice is jealous of a friend: that dexterous, quick-witted, self-confident, always knows what she wants. Alice would love to be like her. A friend has a wonderful husband, though the second one, which literally blows dust from his wife and her daughter from his first marriage, a sane mother-in-law and a beautiful understanding mother who is always ready to listen and come to the rescue.


- All because I brought them all up! - laughs girlfriend. - Mom made it clear that I'm no longer a little girl, but an adult, I must reckon with my opinion. Do you know what conflicts we had with her at first? Survived, but now in each other's soul is not tea. With my husband, too, was lapping - hoo. Now he knows that I will not tolerate some things.The first husband did not understand this - I just took my daughter and left. I can’t call me a conflict-free one ... I always figured out the relationship right away, didn’t get the problem inside, I wasn’t afraid to clash and defend my point of view. You also need to learn this! Without the ability to stand up for themselves in life can not do ...

... However, no one believes that Alice will ever learn how to interfere, demand and make trouble. It is too “gentle flower”: just a little, right into tears, into snot, into red spots.

- I'm not a fighter at all! She says to herself.

And it is true. Scandals are really “not hers”, so she is trying to avoid them with all her strength: a thin world is better than a good quarrel! But for some reason, this “thin” world is already with her with all those you do not take: with her mother, and with her mother-in-law, with her husband, and with her boss, and with her eleven-year-old son ... Friend of law: normal, healthy relationships Alice is not with anyone.

It turns out that kindness and conflict-free is weakness? And not dignity at all, but, on the contrary, a lack is akin to cowardice. Is it possible in this case to eradicate this shortcoming in oneself, from becoming a strong person from a weak person? For example, to read books, to go to a psychologist, to train some where they learn how to make trouble and defend their principles.

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